Excerpts from Becoming Nobody
©2010-11 Dr. Jeanne Beckman
Shortlink: http://wp.me/piWoH-4J
I am George Bailey
In our everyday lives, most adults are always seeking meaning. Many find meaning through volunteering in service organizations such as Rotary, endorsing “service above self.” Volunteers find meaning in their own lives by continually considering how they can provide service to others.
What happens to those whose belief in their contributions to the world, their very existence, their belief in the meaningfulness of their lives, has been totally shattered, totally ridiculed by bullies? What happens to the families, what happens to the communities where bullies have eviscerated those whose very meaning in life is constructed around service to others?
As George Bailey discovered in the story, It’s a Wonderful Life, we can find ourselves plunged into the depths of despair by one despicable act by an unconscionable bully, who marshals his fellow bullies, even marshals entire institutions to carry out his evil deeds.
George Bailey also discovered that the impacts of these acts by bullies are not isolated, but have ripple effects on the lives and livelihoods of entire families, entire communities, even the entire global community.
George Bailey constantly gave so much of himself to others, that his personal resources were on empty when the bully, Mr. Potter, dealt his final blow. It was only when George’s wife thought to enlist all of the community members to gather funds and pray to Heaven for help, only when George’s angel demonstrated the impact George’s life had on others in their community and the world, that George could accept the help of others.
But what if the bullies manage to keep others from helping the George Baileys of the world? What do we lose by allowing bullies to get away with their evil deeds? Even in George Bailey’s world, Mister Potter, who was a board member of the savings and loan, should have been indicted for embezzlement of savings and loan funds as well as wire fraud for reporting to the bank examiner that Bailey stole the funds. Would Potter’s employees have had the courage to blow the whistle on their employer?
Lilly Ledbetter tried to challenge the status quo of corporations systematically underpaying women in the workforce, and a jury agreed that she should be reimbursed. However, the deep pockets of the corporation appealed, going all the way to the conservative and misogynistic 5 to 4 voting block of the Supreme Court to deny her a just solution. While supporters of Ledbetter managed to get legislation to work around the Supreme Court denial, what happens to those who have been unable to marshal forces to challenge bullies?
In Divorced From Justice, Winner describes the total devastation that frequently occurs to a woman’s life when she tries to escape the systematic financial, physical, and emotional abuse of a marriage that often is perpetuated and exacerbated in the divorce courts. She describes women, whose married lives included multi-million dollar homes and other assets, who were plunged into poverty and even homelessness after their husbands plundered the family assets to fund scorched-earth legal tactics. She describes divorce court tactics whereby secret deals between attorneys, crafted via telephone, email, and within judges’ chambers, completely devastated a woman’s life, taking away non-marital assets, taking away a woman’s children, and taking away a woman’s ability to earn a living (which would have constructed meaning to her new life), by forcing her to move away from her community, her children, and her present work life. How many George Baileys have we lost due to the failure of regulators to stand against such court abuses and bullying?
Schools are another place where families have to deal with bullying, not only from the bratty kid on the playground, but from the systematic bullying by administrators who segregate students with disabilities, who use taxpayers’ deep pockets to fund legal teams to deny the educational and civil rights of students and their parents. In my first book, Tech Psychologist’s Guide[1], I wrote about these “school bullies.” Even though the federal government issued a letter on the subject of disability harassment in 2002, families are continually denied access to an appropriate education that is free from a hostile environment. These families report that they and their children continue to be segregated, verbally harassed, called names (such as lazy and “needing a kick in the butt”) and that, ultimately, their children can only get a decent education if the parents fund tens of thousands of dollars for private tutoring. Thomas Edison was kicked out of his school by an administrator who stated he was “addle-brained.” If Edison’s mother had not home-schooled her son, Edison’s prolific inventions most likely would not have spurred the world’s progress. All these years later, many administrators are still claiming they do not have to provide an education where the child can achieve his or her full potential. These administrators still claim they have the right to segregate students who learn differently, still have the right to ignore the science of learning, still have the right to teach to mediocrity, and still claim that it is appropriate to punish the victims by flunking students who have not had appropriate access to proven teaching methods. How many Thomas Edisons, how many George Baileys have we lost due to the failure of educational regulators to stand against such bullying?
Recently, investigations have pointed toward financial giants such as Goldman Sachs as manipulators of the mortgage markets in order to profit from the collapse of the housing market. These Wall Street bullies’ greed have left families financially devastated, have left families homeless, and have decimated entire communities. How many George Baileys have we lost due to the failure of regulators to stand against such bullying?
Often, when a person or an organization challenges bullies, the deep-pocket (i.e. well-funded, politically connected) bullies will use isolation, intimidation, and threats to silence those who attempt to speak to common decency. The term “plaming” came about when Valerie Plame’s husband, Joseph Wilson, attempted to blow the whistle against Bush administration policies. After “Plamegate,” how many George Baileys were silenced because they feared for their families if they spoke out against illegal or unethical activities? As a mother who needed to insure the well-being of her children, I personally found the chill of “Plamegate” made me examine whether speaking out on a particular topic might cause harm to my children.
The media also portrays a sense of entitlement that is contrary to those held by most community members throughout our great country. Whether it is politicians’ marital and/or financial transgressions or great sports figures such as OJ Simpson or Tiger Woods, many regular citizens have come to believe that there is a two-tier legal system: one for those with deep pockets for great legal/publicity teams, and one for those without such resources. While the justice system did not convict OJ of his continued and repeated domestic abuse resulting in murder, the Goldmans had sufficient funds to file a lawsuit and prevail in civil court. Tiger Woods’ wife, assuming she is smart enough to get out of her abusive relationship right now, has sufficient funds to be on a level playing field with Tiger, especially since the public scrutiny of a divorce would be a near certainty.
What is not obvious is the devastating effect on the children of these tortured divorces. A former girlfriend of Tiger Woods reportedly stated that Tiger’s father cheated on his mother, and now Tiger is passing on the twisted legacy to his children of financial and emotional abuse directed toward their mother. Elizabeth Edwards indicated that her father cheated on her mother, and now we know that, even while Elizabeth was fighting cancer, John Edwards was keeping a mistress who bore his child. How long will it take for decent people to stand up and say, “enough!” How long will it take for decent people to tell advertisers they will not be supported if they fund media that interview and facilitate the public’s acceptance of adulterers who seek out others’ spouses for their own needs. At least most of Tiger’s sponsors are dropping him, but probably only due to the sheer numbers of his apparently indiscriminant affairs.
Coming Next: My own story growing up
[1] Beckman, Jeanne, 2007. Tech Psychologist’s Guide to Technology and Access Tools. Texas: Virtualbookworm.com Publishing.
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Tags: bullies, court corruption, domestic abuse, gender bias, George Bailey, judicial bias, sexual harassment, Thomas Edison
