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Dr. Jeanne Beckman[1]
Introduction
In his book, How Starbucks Saved My Life, Michael Gates Gill tells the story of losing everything from his former life of great privilege and entitlement, and then finding greater meaning in his relationships through his hard work as a barista at Starbucks. Erin Brockovich, in her book Take It From Me, Life’s a Struggle But You Can Win,” tells the story of having come from a lifetime of personal struggles, then finding herself through helping those whose lives had been marginalized and destroyed by corporate greed and indifference.
Jeanne Beckman’s upper-middle class life was not as privileged as Gill’s, and not initially as challenging as Brockovich’s, yet her struggles to escape an increasingly abusive marriage led to the secret shame of greater abuses facilitated by the corruption of Cook County Family Law Court. Somehow, after 26 years of marriage, Beckman’s now ex-husband found ways to use his lawyers and the Court to help him fraudulently seize every asset of the marriage while forcing Beckman to take essentially all of the marital debt. After allowing one of Beckman’s attorneys to resign due to the judge’s willingness to allow multiple continuances (delaying allocation of matching marital funds to pay Beckman’s attorneys), the judge stated he was withholding funds for Beckman’s essential living needs because “THEY” (opposing counsel) “wanted to wait to see whether [Beckman] would declare bankruptcy.” Beckman argues that for any judge to repeatedly facilitate agreements which were benefit only one of the divorcing parties (usually the husband) indicates that the judicial system has utterly failed to provide an unbiased consideration of a just distribution in divorce.
In Beckman’s case, her husband felt that he was entitled to take assets allocated to their children’s college education as his own (thus forcing the children to take out student loans) as well as protect the marital assets he seized in attempts to force his wife to declare chapter 7 bankruptcy (by taking the debt he had secretly and/or abusively generated throughout the marriage). Each one of the Judge’s subsequent rulings seemed designed to force Beckman into further destitution, which could only be relieved by declaring personal bankruptcy, but Beckman refused to be the sacrificial lamb for her ex-husband’s spendthrift ways.
Beckman draws comparisons between divorce court’s treatment of women and society’s views of rape of women versus assault against men. That is, if a man is assaulted in a robbery, he is not asked about his personal relationships, what kind of clothing he was wearing, or what kind of car he was driving in order to ascertain whether he provoked the attack. Yet every day, women who are victims of rape still must defend themselves against misogynistic judges, prosecutors and defense teams.
Beckman states that between strangers, she believes her ex-husband’s abusive behavior would have been viewed as aggravated assault, rape, extortion, conspiracy, and fraud. However, in the Cook County divorce system, those without the deep financial pockets (primarily women) are themselves blamed for the fraudulent claims of their ex-husband’s, continually humiliated, and, in Beckman’s case, threatened multiple times with incarceration in Cook County jail and further destitution due to her refusal to capitulate to increasingly cruel extortion maneuvers.
All the while, our society not only facilitates the abuse by refusing to enforce the toothless domestic abuse laws, but shames and threatens women who dare to expose the truth of their abuse, allowing threats of lawsuits for slander and retaliatory attorney fees. Beckman reports that one of her attorneys told her that if she fought the coerced divorce agreement, she’d “end up with a bullet in her head” like a previous divorced woman in the North Shore (Diane Davis of Kenilworth). Attorneys, obligated to report ethical violations of other attorneys and judges, turn a blind eye to even flagrant violations of ethics rules. The media also refuses to respond to the pleas for exposure of the abuse and corruption, unless there is a celebrity angle which would generate increased viewership.
Beckman’s ex-husband’s maneuvers, crafted by attorneys in the judge’s chambers without Beckman’s knowledge or consent, forced her into the secret abyss of those women who are betrayed by their attorneys and utterly disenfranchised by the courts, hurtling down through the gaping holes of governmental and charity “safety nets.”
Before the divorce process began, Beckman’s life as a psychologist and book author led her to media appearances, quotes in national publications, corporate spokesperson appearances in national media tours, and multiple invitations to speak at local and national events. Beckman could pick up the telephone and speak to bank presidents, media producers, and executive directors.
After the divorce process began, as Beckman discovered that laws, (especially those related to domestic abuse and financial parity in assets in a marriage, are meaningless if one does not have access to the deep pocket means to enforce them), her life became increasingly desperate. Cut off from funds to buy food or pay for even necessities, Beckman’s requests for referrals for competent legal assistance from known contacts were apologetically declined and calls to charity and legal assistance organizations were either ignored or denied as ineligible. Beckman’s primary food choices changed from organic, locally grown produce and fresh meat to canned beans, pasta, and items with high fructose corn syrup obtained from a local food pantry or an occasional grocery trip with a friend funding the bill. Her ex-husband, living in a penthouse condominium, still is able to buy his filet mignon, Copper River salmon, Fat Tire beer, and gourmet desserts.
Beckman communicated with other women who’d experienced similar stories: Dr. Jeanne King, author of All But My Soul, as well as others afraid to publish their names she met along the way. These women also shared harrowing tales in their challenges of literal and figurative escape, trying to preserve a life for themselves and their children when their ex-husband had deep pockets of trust funds and other hidden marital monies. These monies were invariably used to purposely destroy the professional and social lives of their wives as well as collaterally destroying the lives of their children. Each time, the destitute woman was told “just move on” as if such a solution were as simple as pulling out a checkbook to buy another car to replace an unreliable clunker. If that woman has $111.95 in her checking account, she can’t even pay for her COBRA insurance, let alone a new car or new life.
It has been stated that the first Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, who had asked a potential volunteer, “who sent you,” was told “nobody.” Daley purportedly responded “I don’t want nobody, nobody sent.” Only a person with connections could volunteer and become part of Mayor Daley’s machine. By having her financial and personal connections stolen from her by a vindictive ex-spouse with a sense of (unearned) entitlement, Beckman’s life crashed around her and she became an instant nobody.
However, Beckman’s harrowing experiences have led her to believe that by becoming a nobody, she has gained a unique understanding of what it’s like to navigate this litigious society without the deep pockets to easily prevail. She is using these experiences to develop programs of community-wide “circling of the wagons” to assist those who would contribute and give back to their community and country if only given a chance.
This true story, then, is about Beckman’s attempts to remain loyal to her beliefs of “pay it forward” while fighting the systematic injustice that is destroying her family and communities across our country.
[1] About Dr. Beckman
Dr. Jeanne Beckman is a clinical & developmental psychologist in private practice in Winnetka and Northfield, Illinois. She has had extensive experience working with young children through adulthood as well as families. She utilizes a practical, problem-solving approach to helping people of all ages feel motivated and able to make necessary changes.
Dr. Beckman provides consultations to schools, various-sized organizations, and groups. She provides enthusiastic seminars training, and lectures to professionals and non-professionals alike.
Dr. Beckman has written a book entitled Tech Psychologist’s Guide to Technology and Access Tools as well as numerous articles about children, adults, families and parenting,
Dr. Beckman is a member of the New Trier Township Committee on Disabilities, an advisory board member for Harkness House for Children since 1998 (a day care center); and is an advisory board member of the Winnetka Alliance for Early Childhood (board member from 1994-2007). She is also a member (since 1988), recent board member, and current literacy chair of the Rotary Club of Winnetka-Northfield as well as a member of the literacy committee of Rotary district 6440
Tags: becoming nobody, courtroom corruption, domestic violence, judicial discretion, upscale violence
